CIVILIZATION IS STUPID

Real Estate For Sale On Mars

2009-08-26T16:15:00.000-07:00

43.5 million square kilometres of Mars will soon be for sale to the earthling public. This is not a typo. Apparently one 'Overlord Neblar' has run into a messy divorce, and so he has to liquidate 30% of the red planet. Sucks to be him, great to be an earthling investor.

If you want one sweetheart of a deal, then keep your eyes and ears open. There is more to come shortly. Are you a snowbird? Then forget about Arizona, Mars is even hotter and more uninviting.

Never has there been a better time to buy land that you’ll never see. But think about your future great great great grandchildren. They'll love it when we colonize Mars! And at the rate this earth is being flushed down the bowl, it could be in a short hundred years.

Give your future family the gift of land on Mars. Mars colonization is a foregone conclusion, so what are you waiting for? Give yourself the gift of knowing you made a great investment today. Stay tuned while I figure out what kind of a deal Overlord Neblar is willing to cut. Cheerio.

Anti-Social Networking

2009-04-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

The wave of the future is places like Facehook, Bitter, and MyMace. Haven't heard of these sites yet? Well, like a hard sucker punch to the face, you will. I for one am sick and tired of all the nice fake friendliness of online social networking sites. A great and terrible day is dawning, and I can't wait to bask in the crappy sun that this day brings.

If I hate something or someone, I should be able to share my ill will with the world. I don't want friends. I'm only looking for enemies now. Enemies are more fun. With an enemy, you know where you stand. When's the last time an enemy stabbed you in the back? Exactly.

I already know I'm smarter than everyone else in the world. Now it's time to prove that maybe I have more hate than anyone else in the world. Of course, I'm happy, too, but this doesn't mean I can't be a negative nelly. I believe in being hateful and happy.

Besides being the greatest leader and anarchist in the history of time and space, I, Mach-Ete, am also a humanitarian. So I extend to you, the world Internet community, a great humanitarian mission. Use this Internet doohickey to make disturbing realities of Facehook, Bitter, and MyMace. I started trying, but the floppy disk drive on my computer isn't working.

Mixed Martial Artist Fails Test!

2009-04-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

Ultimate fighting champion Georges St. Pierre is tough, but not tough enough for anarchy. Already considered one of the toughest and most disciplined athletes in all of sport, Georges wanted to step things up one more notch, so he thought he'd enter the anarchy arena. Big mistake.

At his trainers' request, ECE Anarchists tried to toughen Georges up, but this only reduced Georges to tears and baby rage. He couldn't handle the intense programming that is so critical to an anarchist becoming freethinking. It didn't help matters that Georges is strictly french-speaking while the anarchists who spoke to him had only grade 6 level french. But this is neither here nor there. Georges is still a great man. He's just not likely to ever be one of us.

A great dream of Georges has probably died. After the dream accomplished of winning and defending a UFC world championship belt, Georges biggest dream was to appear on an episode of Anarchy Hour. He's not worthy of this. The dream is dead. Georges is great, but he's not even worthy of being a guest who gets abused on Anarchy Hour. I, Mach-Ete, have decreed this. But there is some sadness in my heart as I was hoping to get tips from Georges on how to improve my ab workout.

MICHELLE OBAMA CAN'T COMPARE!

2009-02-09T15:17:00.000-08:00

Drats! My wife has been accused of looking like Michelle Obama. What a horrible comparison! My wife is a babe compared to any woman, let alone the bootish looking First Lady who ranks maybe a 5 out of 10 on the sexual hotiness scale. I like Michelle Obama, but I don't want to see her get pulverized in the beauty ring versus my wife.

Why is it that the moment someone gets famous, people's opnions of their looks skyrocket? No one would have looked twice at Michelle Obama or considered her a sexual treat outiside of political circles. Perhaps because Michelle Obama doesn't look as bad as most political women she is getting sexiness points, but these are points she can't redeem versus my way hotter wife. Michelle Obama is no Jackie O, or even a Sarah Palin.

If I had had the misfortune of being American and not an Anarchist, I would have run for President of the United States and surely won, for my woman is hottter than his, and I give much better political speeches. Did you see that Inaguration speech? Not bad. But I would have shamed it with the greatness of my acceptance speech, the one I'd give before casting the world into perpetual anarchic darkness.

OBAMA WILL HELP US!

2009-01-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

He doesn't know it yet, but the new President of the United States is going to pull strings for the End of Civilization Engineers. The world economic crisis, the middle east wars, and world nuclear threats will have to wait. Barack's first order of business is dealing with myself and we ECE anarchists.

How, you may ask, will I influence the most powerful man in the world? Easy. With a little female enticement is how. Let me explain:

My wife is black and she's better looking than Michelle Obama. So when Barack sees that my wife is gorgeouser than his, he will be jealous, and this jealousy will have him try to woo my wife to Washington. To do this he'll have to please me. I'll play along, getting paid and influencing U.S. policies all along.

That in a nutshell is my master plan, and my wife is going along with it, though she thinks the plan is stupid. But then I don't expect her to understand my genius, so her opinion is beside the point. Barack will fall for my wife's spell and we'll get lots of money and power. Simple.

My wife will play Barrack and the American government like a fiddle, extracting funds and international support for the only organization that will be left standing once Armageddon breaks loose, which is soon, my psychic tells me.

Glory to a freer, more tolerant America, but never loose sight of just how cool things will be when anarchy is everyone's only political choice and the elections are all rigged with me as the only candidate on earth. No one will be able to compete with my power then. For I am Mach-Ete, an even greater leader and thinker than Barack Obama, though most are ignorant of this fact.

I AM NOT A TECHNOTARD!

2009-01-04T22:46:00.000-08:00

Contrary to public opinion, I, Mach-Ete am not a technotard. I just think computers and the internet are stupid. This doesn't mean that I didn't thoroughly master the internet and computers before realizing how stupid they are. Anarchists are calling me 'behind the times' and 'so not N-gen', and 'Luddite craphead,' whatever that means.

Why are you people out there so intimidated by what I can do without a computer? I rule minds with words, my looks, and thought power alone. I don't need a webserver, whatever that is, to attract followers and orchestrate worldwide conspiracies. Simply put, I'm just smarter than the world wide web.

You all know I'm going to rule the world with anarchy. And then it will be my decision whether or not the internet survives at all. And when the apocalypse strikes (when I decide it should) the internet will crash for awhile as the internet needs electricity to run. Hah! I'll bet you thought the internet could survive without power. Nosiree, bob.

Only I, Mach-Ete will hold the key to the internet's future existence. Live or die? Let's hope I didn't have bad sex the day that decision is made. You are all so lucky that I don't just unleash all of my brainpower right now. This act would crush you and your silly internet.

THE LAST BLOG WAS A STEAMING TURD

2008-12-27T03:06:00.000-08:00

"Recession Schmecession" (the last article published) is a piece of crap and not funny. This is what I'm hearing from my beautiful and attractive nubian wife. She's just lucky she's beautiful, and she's lucky she's nubian. I would never let a white girl smack me down like that.
It's taken me almost a week to recover from the shock of just how shitty my last blog was. Notice that I've suddenly agreed with my wife. Sometimes women have something to teach us, afterall. Maybe. The story about the recession is a hunk of poo, well say.

My fatal mistake was writing the last blog as my weakling alter-ego human self, and not as the anarchist savior that you all love and adore. Well Mach-Ete, ruler of the End of Civilization Engineers, is here now, so everyone shut up and stop spazzing out on me. Ran Tkach is dead. Mach-Ete has usurped his soul and powers, and shabby wardrobe. Good. All will be well.
Yes, there are many weak points to the Recession Schmecession story below, but it's still a masterwork compared to anything you little brains out there in cyberspace could ever come up with. By way of impressing you: years ago I was supposed to teach a university course on the secrets of blog mastery. No one signed up for the course. The students learned that I was to be their teacher and so everyone became paralyzed by fear. My genius is that intimidating. And so is my patience. None of you deserve to hear any more from me. Bye for now, little brains.

RECESSION SCHMECESSION

2008-12-22T01:54:00.000-08:00

All this talk about things going wrong in the economy is stupid. Things couldn't be going better for everyone. Everything is great. My life is a bowl of cherries. I was just layed off from my embarrassing day job (all day jobs are embarrassing). I felt like I'd won the lottery. Getting layed off is just like winning the lottery, only it's the opposite of getting lots of money and never having to work again. Now I can sleep in every day of the week. And I've got all the time in the world to take care of business when I'm not sleeping in...

The recession is great news for everyone, as I already said. I know some tremendously overweight types who can only afford groceries now; no more McDick's sounds like a good diet to me. And with fewer car purchases, there'll be less death on the roads from people who can't handle the speed of fancy new overpriced cars!! But most importantly, this recession is great because now Anarchy Hour will explode into the public consciousness. "Anarchy Hour is destined to be the bible for the disenfranchised", these being the immortal words of the dead man and prophet, Nostrildamus.

I AM SMARTER THAN YOU

2008-12-17T12:42:00.000-08:00

My being smarter than you is a scientific fact and a freak of nature. You little brains out there ask "How am I smarter?" Well, I'm smarter in pretty much every way. I'm smarter than you because I have my own blog and it took me only days to figure out how to use it. And I'm smarter than you because I learned how to use a computer when I was in my early twenties - 'early' twenties. Are you're eyes turning green with envy by now? Or do you consider yourself a computer genius too?

But really, I'm most smarter than you because I turned my back on the life of democratic slavery that enslaves all of you little brains in the modern world. 'Ease and Anarchy' is my motto. I lounge with daiquiris while my plans to lead the Apocalypse fall into place. I am Mach-Ete, the leader of the End of Civilization Engineers. I can't build you a bridge, but I'll collapse one onto you're toes if you don't watch out.

Really, though, I know, scientifically, that I'm smarter than you because when I gave myself an IQ test, the results came back better than the results for Olbert Einstein, and he helped invent the atomic bomb. Do you still care to think you're smart? Well, maybe you are smart, but compared to me you'll always be stupid. But if you let me train and mold you're brain, you might actually get smart-er, but you'll always be comparatively brain dead, but that's compared to me, so don't feel bad. Just think of me as the turkey farmer. You can be my turkeys. It's all good.

Why This Blog? by RanTkach (pronounced 'Tookatch')

2008-12-15T08:27:00.000-08:00

My anarchist alter-ego Mach-Ete, a raging technophobe, just learned how to use a computer and he's eager to devastate everyone with his genius. Look out. But don't look up, 'cause this bird's got some mad diarrhea! The kid pictured to the right thought he could outrun the Anarchy Hour pooper.. Another tragic casualty of our war on civilization.

2008-12-13T08:57:00.000-08:00

WHO IS THIS GUY? PUNCHING ANARCHISTS IN THE FACE? WHAT AN ASS.

A recent attack by one Kaneyee West (an entertainer rapper, I'm told) has left an ECE anarchist black-eyed and people asking questions as the assailant wasn't arrested, but rather congratulated by the on-scene officers. The cops in question called our anarchist victim 'Paparazzi', but his real name is Frank, so something is fishy here.

It seems that Kaneyee West mistook Frank's high-tech camera for a long barreled rifle and so Kaneyee flailed out in a desperate bid to save his life from 'assassination'. What a tit! I thought getting shot is how rappers get their props, anyways.

About his camera, Frank is reported to have said: "It's black and long and huge, but not a gun." That's exactly what my wife says when the lights have gone out, and I'm sick of hearing about it, so I know how Frank feels.

But Frank is only feeling the cold shoulder of his anarchist friends these days as I have commanded them all to shame him for being involved in celebrity worship. CELEBRITY WORSHIP IS CRAP AND STUPID, especially for an anarchist. Let us never forget that I, Mach-Ete, am the only human being worthy of being worshipped.

Finally, to close this terribly upsetting story out with a bang, a realization that only a genius as myself could have made: the fist that punched the honky face of Frank was a black fist, so it goes without saying that there may be racially motivated dimensions to this story.

-Mach Ete is the brains behind Anarchy Hour, the leader of the ECE, The End of Civilization Engineers (the top anarchist outfit on earth) and the greatest living writer in world history.